I am… not there_A tale of Hide&Seek

..........

In the beginning I always keep open to the possible destinations.......

.. ..
I relax and enjoy the ride…....
.. ..
give myself in... I feell it all.....
.. ..
I show myself… up-close and full frontal…....
.. ..
but I'm never clearly seen as I am... but taken for some distorted portrait.....
.. ..
Though demanding… I wait…....
.. ..
Giving meaning to the reflections of others.......
.. ..
Do they see me? Or is my wait in vain, I wonder?....
.. ..
I picture myself approaching the scene and start considering being there... ....

Still keep my safety distance and never loose my guarding demandingness.......
.. ..
I do get close… and when I arrive I don't measure intensity.......
.. ..
When you feel me close... I am already leaving... fading.......
.. ..
I take my time saying goodbye… it may seem a sudden exit for others.. ‘cause my leavings they’re
never announced nor listened!....
.. ..
I'm always watching… collecting all the clues available.......

And then gaze at the remainings of myself…....
.. ..
.. ..
Suddenly it is all clear enough... It might not be black and white but it sure is clear grey....
.. ..
.. ..
At some point, though present, I am in fact no longer there.......
.. ..
.. ..
The process starts… at first, I carry I huge burden… it seems too much of everything… images, sounds, and senses to put together… will I make it?! ....
.. ..
Until it softens... and then I can ease my mind.. Enjoying the peacefulness and quietness of being alone…....
.. ..
I Always arrive at the same destination... I'm me again.......

the apparently cold, fading, unattainable me.......
.. ..
I keep my colours for myself and hide my bright for sunny days!....
.. ..
.. ..
No one can reach me anymore… I locked myself and hide the key in the deepest hideaway of my soul…

Feb 2008
....